Estranged

Panic attacks, agoraphobia, and years on end stuck entirely inside the house. No, not me–my Twitter buddy, recovering agoraphobic Darren Staley. (Host of Dylan Brody’s Neighbor’s Couch.)

Hear how he went from a relatively normal life to nearly a decade of veritable self-imprisonment, and how he’s been finding his way out of that in recent years. Hear Lance try to relate to someone even more socially-withdrawn than he is, and to understand true social anxiety.  (And occasionally run his mouth to the exclusion of his guest.) And not least, find great cause for hope, for you or anyone else who lives with symptoms of agoraphobia.

In other words–meet Darren! (Part 1!)

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• A description of a panic attack, and of living with crippling anxiety
• Mad personal spillage
• How I became alone & isolated back in the day
• Marriage + agoraphobia = happy ending
• The roots of “Crobama”
• Social media saving souls!
• …and a lot more!

Listening tip: This was my first episode recorded over Skype, and as a result the audio levels are a bit uneven, and there is an occasional gap/glitch in the sound. Sorry! Also, somehow I ended up talking more than Darren, I think. Maybe that’s not so surprising…

Referenced in this episode:

• Darren Staley on Twitter
• Kelly Carlin (on Twitter)
• Danny DeVito (on Twitter)
• Garry Shandling (on Twitter)
• Dylan Brody (on Twitter)
• Darren’s show Dylan Brody’s Neighbor’s Couch (and my episode on the Couch)
• Estranged #12: Going Out (or not), and Meeting Mojo at WTF Live
• Estranged #13: Choosing Not to Go Out
• Estranged #15: Holidays II / Thanksgiving
• Estranged #17: A Conversation with Darren Staley / Crobama (Pt. 2) (coming soon)

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Going deeper into my shaky relationship with holidays, I discuss my Thanksgiving options this year, and question the legitimacy of an invitation I got. And then, after much bemoaning, I give thanks!

My policy against editing finally bears real fruit–and it’s not especially tasty fruit. Come for the first 5 minutes, and stay for the last 5! (You can probably skip the rest!)

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• delightful and engaging (let’s say) program notes
• a probably self-centered review of the options of an unclaimed Thanksgiving person
• an overwrought discussion of a potentially-questionable invitation
• probably too much self-pity
• “Frankly, you’re weird.”
• unintentional abuse of the term “vis a vie” and awkward use of the phrase “fuck her”
• …and a lot more!

Listening tip: I have mixed feelings about this episode. (Disappointment mixed with dislike mixed with uncertainty, mostly.)
P.S. – My other cat was not named “Other Cat”, as it may sound. He was named Max. My current cat’s name is Leo. (The other, implied cat was named Sophie.)

Referenced in this episode:

• Darren Staley (on Twitter)
• Dylan Brody’s Neighbor’s Couch
• Estranged #12: Going Out (or Not) and Meeting Mojo Nixon at WTF Live
• Estranged #13: Choosing Not to Go Out
• Estranged #14: Holidays I / Halloween
• (upcoming) Estranged #16 & 17: Interview with (Recovering Agoraphobe) Darren Staley
• (upcoming) Estranged #18 & 19: Holidays III / Christmas

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My childhood was filled with traditional holiday celebrations, but they have been largely absent in my adult life. That’s been partly philosophical, and partly circumstantial…or maybe I’m just kind of a dick about holidays. (?) Let’s hear about how my recent celebration of Halloween fits into my overall approach to holidays!

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• How I grew to believe that having holiday feelings just on holidays is kind of unhealthy
• How that serves as a convenient rationale for disengaging with friends, family, and everybody else who does the holiday thing
• How I think every day should be treated like a holiday–or like all holidays, actually
• …and more!

Listening tip: There is some inexplicable crackling throughout the recording…there’s no way to get it out, and I couldn’t really re-record it, so we’re going to have to live with it. And by “we”, I mean you. (Though I’ve listened to it twice, so I did my time, too.) Sorry.

Referenced in this episode:

• My Halloween pics and video

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In a week with three consecutive opportunities to go out at night, I do the math and decide to blow one of them off. Let’s hear my rationale, and examine my social mathematics!

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• How I cheat on my normal philosophy of decision-making
• Discussion of my stand-up comedy preparations
• Selectively ignoring Dylan Brody’s advice (and fearing a resultant butt-kicking)
• The difficulty of plugging in to an existing social scene
• Stretching muscles that haven’t been used
• About getting past a certain threshold of acceptance
• The sense of opportunity from deciding not to go out
• …and more!

Listening tip: If anyone has any tips on how to stop smacking one’s lips when talking on mic, send ‘em my way. Other than that, for an in-neighborhood recording, this turned out OK, I think. There’s a bit of click-y noise in the recording too…I couldn’t figure out how to get rid of it, sorry. [Note after listening again...I, you know, need to, you know, also work on not, you know, saying, you know, "you know" quite so much. OR, better plan--find a sponsor who wants to pay me a dollar for every time I say it. But the first option is probably more realistic--you know?]

Referenced in this episode:

• Estranged #12 – Going Out (or not), and Meeting Mojo at WTF Live
• Dylan Brody (web site | on Twitter)
• Cedar Open Mic Night (Facebook group | blog | on Myspace)
• WTF with Marc Maron
• me on Twitter
• Freaks and Geeks (on IMDB | on Wikipedia)
• Sixteen Candles (on IMDB | on Wikipedia)

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For a good six years or so when I was younger, I partied and went out a lot. Then for the next 18 years, not so much. On a drive home from my first night out in many months, I discuss why that came to be. Oh, and I just met a hero of mine like a half-hour earlier, so that was awesome. Come drive home with me and let’s talk about it!

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• How I had my partying/going out phase, and how the phase after that ended up becoming way too long
• Me having a very hard time coming up with good words
• The roots of me over-blowing “long drives” / my Boy Scout mentality when it comes to road trips of any decent size
• Discussion of three different types of hairs
• An adorable story from my neighbor about Cali’s separation anxiety
• Me missing the turn to my own road – twice
• …and a lot more!

Listening tip: I stumble a fair amount near the beginning, trying to come up with language to describe meeting my hero Mojo Nixon. It turns out that highway driving is distracting–who would have guessed? But it gets better with each passing few minutes, I promise.

Referenced in this episode:

• WTF Podcast
• Mojo Nixon (his web site | his music on Spotify)
• songs I mentioned (on Spotify): Gotta Be Free, You Can’t Kill Me, I Hate Banks, Burn Down the Malls, Burn Your Money!, Pirate Radio, Legalize It, I Like Marijuana, Destroy All Lawyers, Tie My Pecker To My Leg
• Marc Maron (on Twitter)
• Jonah Ray (on Twitter)
• Eddie Pepitone (on Twitter)

Picture of me and Mojo Nixon that I mentioned (click image for full-size version):

One of the greatest moments of my life, for real

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How did my habits of overload, imbalance, and procrastination–and my addiction to pressure–contribute to my isolation, burnout, and an eventual reformation of my project-launching ways? And how does that all tie into my present-day efforts to de-estrange myself? Let’s find out!

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• Review of “Work Habits Pt 1″
• How being able to do anything convinced me that I could do everything
• Stories from my past days of quasi-productivity
• A multitude of dogs, and me sounding more irritated with them than I normally am
• “I do think there’s a way out of all this.”
• …and a lot more!

Listening tip: You like dogs, right? Good. Ruff! Ruff! Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff!

Referenced in this episode:

• Never Not Funny with Jimmy Pardo
• Estranged #9: Work Habits, Pt. 1
• My former presidential campaign
• The Free School on the Internet project
• PNAC.info
• StopCarnivore.org (site is gone, but here’s an old interview about it)
• PeoplesForum.com (1998-2007, RIP)
• Judge James Gray
• The story of the poem that got me suspended from school
• 30 Days of Raps About Principal Mark Cerutti
• DJ Sashwat (Sashwat Singh) – Facebook Fan Page
• my The Not-So-Simple Life column “Flashback–Shutting It All Down“
• My comic The Little Things
• Shawn Tuttle and The Simplifier newsletter

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“I hope you’re not too mad,” says a friend who let me down, big-time. Am I too mad? Let’s find out!

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• Very disappointing news, after weeks of hype
• A boat metaphor
• Shaky legs
• A little “dark night of the soul”-type stuff
• …and some “indomitable spirit” stuff to counter it

Listening tip: This episode may be my most vulnerable and personal yet – so much so that I doubted whether I should even post it. To quote Roger Waters: “And if I open my heart to you / And show you my weak side / What would you do?” To quote me: “Let’s find out!”

Referenced in this episode:

• Estranged #8: Hiding Out, and Why

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How does my workaholism tie in to my tendencies of isolation and disconnection? Let’s find out!

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• “I have a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, long, giant…”
• sitting at the computer as an isolating factor
• how work tends to trump almost any other activity option
• how it’s easier to communicate with yourself than with others
• procrastination, overload, and imbalance
• dissing the English major
• a missing dog interruption

Listening tip: This episode ended up getting cut short when I realized I couldn’t see one of my dogs anywhere nearby (in the desert, at night). “Work Habits, Pt. 2″ will be coming up soon!

Referenced in this episode:

• Estranged #8: Hiding Out, and Why
• my Not-So-Simple Life column “Wishing for a Wee Bit of Weeble-izing“
• Estranged #11: Work Habits, Pt. 2

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The show went into an unannounced hiatus for over a month—why? I’ve sort of been hiding out—why? Let’s find out!

(Click the play button in the player or use the links below to download or listen in other ways.)

What’s in this episode:

• excuses, reasons, and rationalizations!
• thoughts on gears meshing, or not
• going down the rabbit hole
• pot disclosure
• “this is not a sad show” irony
• a siege mindset
• an interesting encounter with a friend of mine, which further complicated the situation

Listening tip: I was recently gladdened upon hearing an episode of WTF with Marc Maron (an actual professional podcast) where he was recording while walking through a casino—and his breathing was audible! So I’m not such a deformed unhealthy freak after all. Or, alternatively, we both are. Either way—so there! If Marc can breathe out loud, so can I. Now I just have to find a professional podcast that has widespread lip-smacking and that “nnnnnyuah” sound I make, and I’ll feel completely justified. Wish me luck!

Referenced in this episode:

• Darren Staley (and Dylan Brody’s Neighbor’s Couch (and my appearance on it))
• my column The Not-So-Simple Life
• my Twitter feed
• Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain (mentioned first in Estranged #3)
• Estranged #7: “This is not a sad show”

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